Maslen Bode Ward
THE SECRET
too much
of a good thing
is a good thing
that’s the secret
also you don’t
have to go home
for the holidays
you can do
whatever you want
the secret is
too much
of a bad thing
is a good thing
or so I tell Sabrina
when she’s sobbing
this is really the gift
that you can feel this much
when I’m not sobbing
she says
stop lying to yourself
then I’m sobbing
Heather Christle says
crying in front of one other
person is ideal
crying in front of too many
people makes you feel worse
people make you worse
or better
and the trick is
not to see those
who make you worse
and you’re allowed to do this
because you can do
whatever you want
I’ve started ghosting people
when the stakes are low
it’s important
to keep the stakes low
to do nothing
in moderation
not to moderate
your body
not to date
a moderate
it’s ok
to ask a friend
to sit with you
as you call therapists
that it’s been months
since the dentist said
you need braces
and you’re still not
in therapy
when I gush about my crush
Kathleen says I want
all the details
you’ll come to regret that
I want to say
she says you have to
share with him
some of this giddiness
or he’ll never know
and she’s right
Sabrina says I’m
the horniest of us all
and she’s right
but I’m also celibate
not deliberately
and there goes shame
doing whatever she wants
not minding me
or my obsessions
I’m so obsessed
I told Theo how jealous I was
when Jack got G’s number
you have to honor that
Theo said
and so I do
I honor my obsessions
I honor how my crush
doesn’t like Eileen Myles
as much as I do
I forgive him
for now
because he conceded
on “Peanut Butter”
and I wanted to say
what about “Greece”
that poem rocks
and when I said I would never
let a friend win a game
because that would mean I
didn’t respect them
G said I love you
Maslen
and I just smiled
how could I
say I love you too
since I know he didn’t mean
he love loves me
but he said my name
so I’ll tell this
to every friend I have
because I love too much
and by that I mean
I love
and all you bitches wish
you could love like me
I’m going home tomorrow
whatever that means
because where I’m going
I don’t do whatever I want
so I guess I’m really
leaving home tomorrow
I’ll miss home
these sheets I’ve hid under
this past week like a ghost
who eats ramen
and ice cream
and drips both all over the bed
in this home
where I exist
how I want
and worship
my wants
and Deborah said
delete the line
where you call yourself ungodly
I don’t believe you
and I don’t
believe me either
I have too much
of the good things
and they don’t
have enough of me
the secret is
no one has ever had
enough of me
not even me
MASLEN BODE WARD is a writer from Boston. Her work appears in The Iowa Review, Bennington Review, Interim, and HAD. She has an MFA in poetry from NYU.
